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Emory Luce Baldwin, LCMFT, is a mother of two teens, a family therapist and certified parent educator with offices in Takoma Park as well as through the Family Encouragement Center in Kensington.
July 2009
Dear Emory,
In a few weeks, we’ll be going on vacation—and I still haven’t recovered from last year’s vacation trip! Everyone started off so excited, but then it all went downhill. The kids were whiny and complaining much of the time, and my partner and I had a hard time without becoming whiny and complaining, too! This year, our kids are another year older (they are now 7 and 10) so maybe it can go better. Do you have any suggestions for how we can try to make our vacation fun for everyone?
—Apprehensive on Aspen
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July 2008
Fifteen year old Matthew is at the 14th level of his online game. He got there by spending more and more time online, building alliances and raising his score. Along the way, he has also strengthened his planning and strategy skills…but his parents are becoming concerned, because he is now spending most of his waking hours online, and he overreacts furiously when they suggest that he join them for dinner, help out with some chores, or even go out to a movie with friends.
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June 2008
Kids who are always on the go from one thing to another have precious little time to day-dream, to hang out with their friends, or even to just unwind. I have heard more than one over-busy young teen ask, “Isn’t this supposed to be a fun time in my life?” When I asked them what they are missing, they wistfully talk about longing for more time to just hang out in their backyards, to get together with friends, or even time to just read fun books.
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May 2008
Good limits are like the walls of a house—they help children feel safe and cared for. Much of what seems like a child protesting against limits is really the child testing the parent, not the limits.
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April 2008
Courageous parents are not looking for short cuts or “drive-by” parenting! Courageous parenting requires thoughtfulness, self-control, and creativity. Not surprisingly, these are all of the qualities we are asking our children to develop as well.
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March 2008
The late humorist, Erma Bombeck, once wrote a funny essay about entertaining our dinner guests the same way we talk to our children. “Get your elbows off the table, Jim, and please don’t talk with your mouth full! Emily, I remember you were telling me what you learned the other day about growing roses. I certainly hope you are taking your studies seriously, because you’ll never be really good at gardening unless you work hard. Oops, Jim, you spilled some of your wine! Tsk, tsk, I’ll wipe it up for you…that was certainly careless of you…EMILY! No more interruptions or you will be sent home! Mike hadn’t finished what he was saying yet! Go ahead, dear, finish telling us your story…”
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February 2008
In many ways, the beginning of the 21st Century is a fortunate time to be writing about parents and children. More than 100 years of research has given us a tremendous amount of information about children and how they grow and learn. We now know how children’s brains develop, how they learn language and motor skills, how they discover social skills and how they learn to understand the differences between “right” and “wrong.” By now, we should have kids all figured out, right?
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January 2008
Marcus makes straight A’s in school, yet he often procrastinates on starting his assignments and then works until late at night to complete them on time. Angelina loves her friends dearly, and she always lets them choose what movie to see or which mall to go to. If they ask her what she wants to do, she lies and says, “I don’t know…” and “we can do whatever you want to do.” Robbie is a good kid who tries very hard to please his parents, but they are asking more from him than he can realistically do at his age, and he can’t keep up with their expectations—sometimes, his frustration becomes despair, and he lashes out with snarling ferocity. Sophie is the oldest of three kids in her family, and she likes being known as the “smart” one in her family. Her two younger siblings are also very clever, and therefore Sophie criticizes them and makes fun of them at every opportunity.
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