Query: My wealthy sister and her two horrible monsters are coming for Spring Break. She spoils them relentlessly and encourages my children to misbehave in the same style as hers do. I don’t want to be the bad guy, coming down on everyone like a ton of bricks all the time. But I can’t stand the months of recovery work I’ll have to put in to get my household back to functional normal once they’re gone. Got any suggestions?
—Wondering on Wildwood
Carrie: You might send your sister a list of household rules that you expect everyone under your roof to adhere to, i.e.: all persons must use please and thank you when making requests, or receiving assistance from anyone; all persons must make at least an initial effort to enjoy meals as they are prepared and brought to table; all persons must participate in clearing up and putting away initiatives, as often as they are deemed necessary. You get the idea.
Then, send a copy of the list to her children. Encourage them to familiarize themselves with the policies and procedures before they arrive. Then make a game out of their compliance. You could mix up the cousins into teams, and award points for positive behaviors, and forfeits of extra tidying or dish duty or what you will. Everyone would be motivated to perform well, and you could let your sister devise the reward for the lucky team that finishes first in the intra-familial politeness sweepstakes. It might motivate your sister to find different ways of managing her children, and it will certainly improve the odds and lessen the recovery time on your end.
Query: By the end of winter, I’m desperate to get the kids out of the house to do something (they’re tired of their stuff and so am I). What all is out there that we could do besides going on out to our myriad, lovely, local parks?
—Bored on Boyd
Carrie: Well, and this may seem obvious, you could try the literally dozens of free museums downtown. Not all of them have much to do for the very young, but a goodly number of them do. Also, you could check the Post Weekend section for family activities. Heck, the calendar listings in our very own Takoma Park/Silver Spring Voice cover nearly every day of every month, and you’ll find story hours at the library, family dance opportunities, swimming lessons, musical adventures and more. Most of it is free, or nearly so. Try taking adventurous walks on the bridle paths in Rock Creek Park. Only, remember to scale their difficulty and duration to your least mobile participant. There are plenty of maps to help you find the right walk for your group.
In fact, the real problem may well be how to figure out which of the many activities available is the best for your needs. Let each of your children take turns picking activities from a list that you compile. Put yourself in the rotation, so that you can select things to do that they might not, from a lack of familiarity with the event or location. You live in a region where there’s almost more to do and see than is fully comprehensible. So get out of the house and get doing.
Query: I lent a friend money, a good friend who really needed the cash to get them over the hump. And I ponied right up. But now I can’t get that money back, and I need it myself—to get over the hump current in my life. What should I do?
—Stiffed on Silver Spring
Carrie: First off, stop lending your friends money. They have parents, don’t they? And what are parents for, if not to act as bankers to their youthful offspring? Though you wouldn’t think it, money has caused more friendships, partnerships and general associations of people to go bad than any other single cause (or so I imagine from my knowledge of history and sociological conditions). Money shared seems to fracture folks apart more reliably than anything else.
Try to sit down with your friend and talk about a repayment plan. Ask for the monies back in reasonable installments. Be firm, consistent and polite when you issue reminders about the payment schedule and quantities. It may well take longer than you hope to get that money back, and you may not see all of it ever again.
A word of caution, you may not be able to salvage the friendship now that these monies are in play. Or if you can maintain the friendship, it may only be at the expense (as it were) of recovering the money. The good word here is that you can choose to generalize from this experience and remember, never ever to lend money to your loved ones, until you have children of your own. |
