Queries for Carrie

	Answers from the Advice Goddess
	Resolutions

Query: My boyfriend and his 3-year-old boxer mix have just moved into my home with me. The dog, Scooter, has a number of disturbing behavioral issues, and my boyfriend isn't doing anything about them. He acts like Scooter's getting on the table to eat when we're not in the house is "just one of those things" when you live with a dog. I know differently. Scooter's not my dog, though, so it's not really up to me to train him, or force my boyfriend to. Or is it?
—Grossed-out on Gude

Carrie: Resolve to be more open with your new housemate, and more persistent regarding his companion. Scooter may have had a wild puppyhood, but now that he is a dog he needs to put away puppyish behaviors and get on with being a best friend. Talk to your boyfriend about training some manners into Scooter. You'll be demonstrating your desire to form an actual shared household and blended family. If you approach this problem as though it concerns both of you equally, your input will have much more weight in any further discussions you share on the topic.

A well-behaved dog is welcome almost everywhere. His number one aim in life is to spend the greatest possible amount of time with his beloved master. This is the key to Scooter's own personal paradise. Look around for a local obedience class, and then sign up the whole household. This will help your new family move forward smoothly into the New Year and many years to come.

Query: I recently answered one of the ads in the personal section of the paper. I've had several dates with the woman whose ad I answered. Unfortunately, I don't appear as old as my years. This new friend has revealed that she's looking to start a family before it's too late for her. I have children from an early marriage who are either finished with college, or working on post-graduate degrees. I have no desire to start another family at my age. But I value this budding friendship quite a bit.
— Puzzled on Philadelphia

Carrie: Resolve to be straightforward in the new year. Tell your friend your age (how many people do I know who would kill to suffer your embarrassment of appearance?). Explain to her about your children. Offer your understanding if she says she hasn't time for platonic friends while she's trying to beat her biological clock to the punch line.

While it would be a shame if you lost her friendship over this misunderstand-ing, it would be a crime if you continued to allow her to suppose that you might wish not only to become her loving husband but also the father of her children. The sooner you tell her, the less embarrassment and confusion you'll have to endure. Make all haste to set her perceptions in perspective. Then pat yourself on the back for doing the right thing.

Query: Everyone else in my class can dye their hair or pierce their eyebrows or do anything they think would look really cool. My mom is an ogre, and if she had her way she wouldn't let me cross the street by myself. She treats me like a total baby. I hate her and I want to know where would be good to run away to. I can clean and take care of pets and kids or anything.
ÑLocation withheld by request

Carrie: As it turns out, your mother is the head of the household. This is not good news for somebody (you) with a desire to be treated as an adult before you've reached your 18th birthday. If you ran away, you would be in charge of yourself, and could do anything to or with your person that you had the time and the money to manage.

If you ran away, you would have to get enough work to keep yourself indoors through the cold months, and fed year- round. Figure on your costs at about $12,000-$14,000 per year (it costs more to live alone than in a family).

If you can find a business that doesn't care that you're too young to be working full time, you'll be able to earn $5.25/hour. That works out to $10,920 a year if you work 40 hours a week, 52 weeks a year with no vacations or days missed because you're sick. Doesn't sound like a lot of fun, does it? You might want to revisit staying with your family at least until you're 16.

Resolve to show your mom how grown up you are by not whining for what she's already told you she won't provide (her permission, in this case; I assume you have the cash to pay for your own body-mods). Resolve to prove that you're ready to make more of your own decisions by behaving responsibly and respectfully in regards to hers. Good luck.